Saturday, July 7, 2012

Women, know your place...

Today's entry is aimed at all you happily (or not so happily) married women out there.  I know it can be hard to maintain a healthy, caring relationship in this wicked world, but thankfully Ms Blanche Ebbutt has written a delightful little tome entitled "Don'ts for Wives" to help guide you.

Of course, the fact that it was written in 1913 may date some of it, but just because the advice is almost a hundred years old doesn't mean that it isn't just as valid and useful today as it was back then!  I'm sure that together we can draw something helpful from it.

Lets look at some of that advice in more detail.


Don't moralise by way of winning back the love that seems to be waning.  Make yourself extra charming and arrange delicious dinners which include all your husband's favourite dishes.

Absolutely!  We all know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach ... well, to be completely accurate the way to a man's heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs ... and I believe what Ms Ebbutt is trying to tell us is that the easiest way to make your husband love you again is to stuff him so full of food that he's ready to bust at the seams.  Okay, so maybe it won't make him love you again, but at least he'll be so full that he won't be inclined to run off with that blonde gym instructor.

Don't hesitate to plan out large expenditures with your husband.  Usually a woman is very good at small economics, but often a man has a better grip of essentials in spending large amounts.

Well this one is a given.  Ladies, for heaven sake don't spend any more than a fiver unless you check with your hubby first!  After all, we can't be worrying our pretty little heads about things like high finances, now can we.  Thankfully none of us need to deal with confusing things like numbers on a regular basis ... well, except for those of us who work in finance (like me!!!).  Or who have mortgages.  Or who are sole income households.  But lets be honest, how often is that going to happen!  We'll just let the men take care of things like that and focus on sitting around and looking pretty.

Don't permit yourself to forget for a single instant that nothing is more annoying to a tired man than the sight of a half-finished laundry work.  The remotest hint in your home of a 'washing day' is like a red rag to a bull.

Oh yes, heaven forfend that there should be any evidence of household drudgery when the man of the house gets home!  The laundry should be washed, ironed and put away where it belongs before he returns from work.  You didn't have time to get it all done?  Well, you should have gotten up earlier then!  After all, you don't want to find out what's being hinted at by that "red rag to a bull" comment.

Don't omit to pay your husband an occasional compliment.  If he looks nice when he comes in dressed for the opera, tell him so.  If he has been successful with his chickens, or his garden, or his photography, compliment him on his results.

Many a household could have remained harmonious if only the wife had complimented her husband on his chickens.  And men can never hear too much about how good they look in their new opera cloak.

So there you are, girls.  It's easier to keep a happy marriage than you realised.  Just make sure you feed him, pander to him, slave over him and butter him up!  It'll work, Ms Ebbutt guarantees it!

And don't think you're getting off without your turn, guys.  Tune in tomorrow to find out what Ms Ebbutt recommends gentlemen do to keep a happy home in "Don'ts for Husbands"!

23 comments:

  1. Whew, so glad to read those tips!!!! These past 26 years of marriage I thought all I had to do was put out every now and again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A common mistake. I'm happy to help educate you.

      Delete
  2. So all I have to do to keep my man is yell out, "Nice cock!" when he walks in the door dressed for the opera?

    DONE!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knew it was so easy! It makes you wonder how any marriage could fail when it's so easy to keep them on track.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha!
      Just say that anytime, and i'm sure you will win him over

      Delete
  3. Silly little me, I have been doing it wrong all these years. From now on, I will wake up at 4am to get my laundry done by 6am, start preparing a seven course dinner for the "king", and then, get on my knees and beg said king for my $5 allowance while I am complimenting his handsome attire of a Black Sabbath t-shirt, ripped shorts and his oh so sexy hairy toes...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to see that you're willing to mend your ways! Marital bliss will be yours in no time!

      Delete
  4. I have apparently been doing this marriage thing wrong as well. Next time my husband dresses up for the opera, I'll compliment him. That will be never, by the way, but at least I'll know to do it if it ever happens!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Man if I woulda had this I might notta gone thru 2 already!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot to compliment his chickens, didn't you. It's a common mistake.

      Delete
  6. Wow, her hubby must have been a pure delight to live with! Especially on laundry day. Phew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would hazard to guess that she didn't have one. I doubt she'd have written this if she did!

      Delete
  7. After reading this, I am not sure how I am even married. I am sure now that if I don't start being nice to Eddie, I will end up the crazy cat lady.

    Good thing I like cats... Just sayin.. ;o)

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it's not too late to start complimenting him on his chickens. You might need to buy him some first, but that's just details.

      Delete
  8. My mother complimented my father on his chickens often. This is why they've been together since she was thirteen. She in now...I don't know. She won't tell me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Does it mean I can quit my job? Because cooking huge meals is so gonna happen with my 12 hour days!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well something's going to have to go. Perhaps sleeping?

      Delete
  10. Is this book for real? It is like turning the clock and volunteering women to go back to those babymaker, sandwich bitches period.
    To tell the truth, how disgusting and demeaning these are, I am really laughing at the men, as per this book, there is no difference between your domesticated pet and father of your child.
    Stuff him with homecooked meal, and let him smell the finished laundry and run your hand through his hand and he would wag his tail in return to express his love.

    And this one takes the cake
    "Usually a woman is very good at small economics, but often a man has a better grip of essentials in spending large amounts" - Good morning laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, this is a real book that was published back in 1913. It's been reprinted as a bit of a joke, but it was serious back then.

      Delete
  11. Very nice. From here on out, I will never forget to compliment my husband on his chickens (never mind that he has none, purely allegorical) and his opera cloak (never mind he feel asleep while watching Placido Domingo in Othello with me). Thanks for the laughs, Kellie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better to be safe than sorry, compliment him on all sorts of things he doesn't have. I'd recommend his moustache ... unless he has a moustache, in which case I recommend his corn cob pipe collection.

      Delete