Thursday, September 13, 2012

The end of the world is totally going to happen ... even if it doesn't ...

Today I was meandering around Tumblr (as is my wont) and I stumbled across a little comment that got me thinking.  It was short, only a few lines, but the idea was so genius I couldn't just scroll past it like I do all the other posts of adorable kittens an how cute Benedict Cumberbatch is.  So in true visionary style I've decided to implement their idea, and I'm recruiting you all to help me.

As we all know, the world is supposed to end this year.  It's a bit of a shame, but it's had a good run.  Four and a half billion years is pretty good innings, even for a planet.  But like all of the doomsday/apocalypse/cataclysm predictions, there's always the chance that it'll turn out to be a dud.

How many times have you watched as some religious nut declared that the world was going to come to an end at three seventeen in the morning on the eleventy seventh of the month and then proceed to give away all his worldly goods in preparation for the space ships arriving to take him away?  Yeah, far too many to not take these predictions with a grain of salt.

Still, this one is from the Maya's rather than some weird guy about two weeks overdue for a bath and living in a shack in the middle of nowhere.  That lends it a little more gravitas than the others.  But even so, we all know it probably ain't gonna happen.

But that doesn't mean we can't pretend it did anyway!

Seriously, think about it.  Anyone born after 2012 isn't going to know differently as long as we're all telling the same story, so here's the plan.  As far as we're all concerned, it happened.  The dead rose from the grave, demons attacked, cities were levelled, and in true heroic fashion we defeated them all and came out victorious.  I'll be like Independence Day, but with far less Will Smith ... which can only be a good thing in my books.

But if we're going to make this work, we've got to start planning now.  Come up with our stories of heroism and daring deeds!  That crater in the vacant lot down the road where they started to build a house and then gave up before they'd even laid the foundations?  Now that's where an alien ship landed during the first wave of invasion!  The scar on your leg from falling off a bike when you were twelve?  Now it's from the three zombies you fought off outside the 7-11 while gathering supplies.

And if anyone decides not to play along and tries to tell the future generations the truth, we'll just put it down to post traumatic stress.  Those poor people, suppressing the awful truth.  Seriously, I think if we can just get our stories straight and do a little bit of forward planning, we can do this!

After all, worked for the moon landing.

31 comments:

  1. Hello Kellie:
    We are the original Peter Pan and Wendy living permanently in a world of make-believe. We do not need any encouragement!!

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  2. Awesome idea! I totally think everyone should do that! We'd have to fudge the world population numbers prior to the end of the year, say maybe 20 billion people! And we'd have to think of a reason no footage was taken (world wide power outage?) and we'd have to get some extreemest group to say it didn't happen so we'd look more legit!

    I think this is do able! The whole worlds never come together on anything before, but how could anyone say no to this!

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    1. See, you're thinking of all the details that I always overlook! That's why I get you guys to help me with my convoluted plans.

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  3. Remember that time we were trapped in the last ice cream store in the city and got surrounded by angry pygmy demons? All we had were the waffle cones! Oh did they give us hell...which I guess they were supposed to, right? When they all started fusing together to create that one giant demon, you were so worried. But I still got my orange sherbet and they got the sharp end of a stack of waffle cones!
    Or that time we both woke up in the gymnasium surrounded by vampire monkeys? Good thing they can't tell time or else we'd have never made it out of there. It was too bad about your mom, though.

    These are just a couple of stories my spouse and I shall tell our children.

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  4. Awesome, now I'll have an excuse for my house being a mess. I couldn't help it, the massive meteor showers left cosmic dust and those "hail" dents on my car. The hurricane forces winds blew around all my possessions. It's not a lack of organization, it's simply the apocalypse.

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    1. See, it's the conspiracy theory that keeps on giving!

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  5. I's sorry, I was with you right up until you said "... Moon landing.".

    Temporary suspension of disbelief (and underwear) only stretches so far.

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  6. Oh, Kellie. Genius! Why didn't I think of that?!!!

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  7. Perhaps the Mayan calendar ended at 2012 because the person doing the calendar job died, or got bored, or thought "screw it, let someone else continue chiseling dates into this stone" .
    In any case, I think we should indeed start something that generations beyond us will take as truth so that they can loose sleep over whether to overspend and leave this world in a great ball of debt or save and be solvent because it was all just some nasty joke. But we need to hurry, we don't have much time left.....

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    1. Exactly! Do you think our forefathers came up with the whole dinosaurs lie in the spur of the moment? Oh no, it took years to plant all those fossil records!

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  8. I think you're on to something... Let's get this started, ha ha! I've shot 546 zombies before running out of ammo and going off into the woods.

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    1. I'm going to tell everyone I spent most of the apocalypse smuggling orphans and puppies to safety. Should make me look caring AND heroic.

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  9. Luckily, I have a shit ton of scars since I'm clumsy. I am making up stories for them as I type!

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    1. Good! But don't forget to save at least one or two of them for the big "final showdown" where we all defeat the Dark Lord in an epic battle to the death.

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  10. There's nothing I'd like better than hood winking the next generation!

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    1. I thought I should give you all a heads up. After all, you don't want to be one of the whackos who refuses to admit the apocalypse happened!

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  12. Grand idea, I'm in! That C-section scar? Hmmmm. Oh yeah, that's when I gave birth to you and your demon twin...who is looking for you btw. He thinks you would make a tasty mid-morning snack.

    Yup, gotta run with that!

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    1. Of course, because there's always a good twin and an evil twin. I must say, I'm relieved to find out I'm the good one ... I really did think that in that situation I'd turn out to be the bad apple.

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  13. I think you are onto something here. Or on something. Either way I'm totally on board.

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    1. I'm high on life, baby! Life, and phenylalanine from all the diet coke I drink. Who says the Coca Cola company doesn't love us! They put synthetic endorphins in our drinks, I think that proves they care!

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  14. Replies
    1. Oh, you know you want to. You're totally coming up with ideas right now.

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  15. I like to occasionally wear slightly mismatched, torn clothes with futuristic accessories, run up to a random passerby and ask breathlessly, "What year is it?" When they tell me, I shout "THANK GOD! There's still time!" and run off again.

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  16. Hilarious! Last May with that End of The World thing I was tempted to throw an extra set of clothes and shoes out in our yard at 6 PM to scare my neighbors.

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